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Smoking

November 12, 2013 at 8:16 am by Claudia

cigarettebox

Years ago, when I was teaching at Boston University, I had the opportunity to visit Edinburgh for 3 weeks. Our students were performing in the famous Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The long stay gave me the opportunity to thoroughly explore that extraordinarily beautiful city. I always like to bring a little something home with me, usually an antique; something small, easy to pack and that will evoke memories of my stay.

This Art Deco cigarette box is what came home with me. It’s simply gorgeous. I love the combination of metals, especially the copper with its beautiful blue patina. How elegant the flapper is, languidly sitting on that step while smoking a cigarette. The inside of the box is wood, buffed to a rich sheen. It’s in remarkably good condition and sits on our spinet desk in the den.

Ah, the days of cigarette boxes and smoking, when smoking a cigarette was cool and elegant. No one had any idea how harmful it could be. They were blessed with a sort of blissful ignorance.

We watched Jaws last night on TCM. One of the characters lit up a cigarette in the hospital. In another scene there was a plastic ashtray on the bedside table. Old movies, older than Jaws, are filled with smoking. Characters light up at the drop of a hat. Cigarettes are used, as they are used in real life, as a prop, a smoky wall of defense, as something to do with one’s hands.

My dad smoked for years and he smoked in the house. That astounds me now.

My grandfather smoked for most of his life. He rolled his own cigarettes and smoked a pipe. And he died from complications from Emphysema.

I smoked for about 3 or 4 years, from my late twenties into my early thirties. It seems ridiculous now that I took it up after years of not smoking. But I did. I loved lighting up my first cigarette in the morning, right after I’d finished my first cup of coffee. It gave me something to do. I loved the social aspect of it, especially during my first two years of graduate school, when my fellow acting students routinely took cigarette breaks during rehearsals – inside the building. A pack of cigarettes cost $1.25 then.

At the end of my second year of grad school, I decided to stop. I was about to pursue a career in acting. I had started teaching voice and speech. It seemed hypocritical to be instructing students about the care of their voices, while I puffed away on a known carcinogen. I waited until I went home for a visit at the end of the year. I knew I would be relaxing at my parents’ house, free from the stress of the academic year. They didn’t know I smoked (or so I thought.) It would be the perfect time to stop. And I did.

Don also smoked for years, longer than I did. Fortunately, he stopped around the same time I did, so by the time we met, we had been non-smokers for several years and it never figured into our life.

I remember being absolutely sure my parents had no idea I was smoking. Even when I was still in Michigan and living on my own, I would enter my parents’ home knowing they would never catch on. Now I think, who was I kidding? I can tell someone’s a smoker immediately. That smell clings to you. It never goes away. I hate the way it clings to clothing, to drapes, to fabric.

And I’m shocked at how many young actors smoke. We are armed with so much knowledge about the dangers of smoking, yet still they smoke. Young people think they are immortal. It’s part of being young. I’ve never been an ex-smoker who lectures others on the dangers of smoking. One conversation with a student or two or three? Yes, absolutely. But in the end, I can’t make them do anything they don’t want to do.

I stopped in 1985. It’s been 28 years since I lit up a cigarette.

Question for the day: Are you a smoker? Did you ever smoke? No judgment here, just simple curiosity.

Happy Tuesday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

Tagged With: cigarettes, smokingFiled Under: life 92 Comments

A Post About Don

November 11, 2013 at 8:32 am by Claudia

 

don

This morning, as I was about to get out of bed, thinking that Scout had to be let out, Don teasingly said to me, “You just want to get to your blog. Why don’t you ever write about me? About what a good guy I am…” I retorted that he’s been the subject matter of many blog posts, more than enough, thank you very much.

I mean, really!

But here’s the truth: he is everything to me. He is simply the best man I’ve ever known.

Here’s a recipe for you. Take a woman who has avoided any sort of commitment, who is happily single and sure she will remain so, but has recently gone through a change and is thinking that she might want to break her previous patterns of behavior and let someone in her life. Add a man who has unexpectedly been offered a job at a theater and finds himself back in his hometown of San Diego. He’s been married before and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever find what he’s looking for in a relationship, but he’s ready to try.

Two bruised and damaged people (aren’t we all?) meet. They are wildly attracted to each other but they both have issues. And one of the first major conversations they have is about wanting to change those patterns I spoke of earlier. They are honest with each other from the start. No bull. No games. Just honest.

At every point where she would normally find an excuse to flee, he says something that knocks her for a loop. He is performing in a play that also features her students. She doesn’t want her students to know she’s seeing him, she wants that to remain private and she worries about it. These are all worries going on in her head, she has yet to bring the subject up to this man. She doesn’t have to. He brings it up. He says he wants her to know that he would never infringe on her relationship with her students, that he will never talk to them about her until she is ready. How did he know that?

He seems to anticipate her needs. He almost seems to know what she’s thinking, deep within the most neurotic and frightened part of her. He continually surprises her.

The woman is still wary. As an adult child of an alcoholic, commitment is hard for her, almost impossible. At the end of that summer, the guy has to leave town to do another play in Arizona. She is secretly relieved because she can get back to her normal life, her predictable and seemingly safe life. They say goodbye.

About 5 days later, he calls her from a pay phone on the road (no cell phones then) and she is surprised by how much she has missed talking to him. Of all things, she misses him. She tells him so.

Her teaching and coaching commitments continue. But a strange thing happens. Every Monday night, which is the traditional actor’s day off, he calls her. And they talk for hours. They talk about everything. A curious thing happens as the result of these phone calls. They get to know each other more deeply. The physical attraction which has always been there is now being matched by a deepening ‘knowing.’ Being physically separated forces them to get to know each other without any other distractions. No Skype then. Just a voice over the landline. Just words and inflections and thoughts and sharing.

She finds herself doing the very thing she thought she wouldn’t do. She visits him in Arizona for a weekend. And then, she finds herself looking forward to his return to San Diego that November.

She has changed. So has he.

On her birthday in November, he tells her he loves her. She is moved and a little panicked. She can’t quite bring herself to say those words yet.

Within a month, she says them out loud. To him.

And eventually, this woman finds herself wanting to marry him, hoping he’ll ask her. She can’t imagine life without him.

Who would have thought?

There you go, Don. This post is about you, my love.

Happy Monday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

 

Filed Under: Don 86 Comments

The Challenges of Blogging Every Day

November 10, 2013 at 10:19 am by Claudia

windbreak

This commitment of mine, to post on this blog every day, has been a wonderful discipline. But it has its challenges. My posts are always my original content. No guest posts, no pictures from elsewhere on the internet, and now, no weekly parties. It’s all me, for better or worse. How do I come up with a post every day of the year?

At times, I already have the idea for a post swirling around in my brain. Most of the time, however, I fly by the seat of my pants. After a little coffee, a cursory reading of my email and the New York Times online, as well as a few of my favorite blogs, I am forced to contemplate just what the heck I’m going to write about that day.

Often a thought or feeling from the day before will surface as I write. Yesterday’s post about bullying is an example. I started writing about Louise Penny and then I remembered my anger and frustration the day before with some of the reactions to the alleged bullying within the Miami Dolphins organization and I knew those feelings had to be expressed. So, my thoughts on that subject ended up being the closing words of the post.

Or, as happened the day before: I started writing about my potted plants dying and the process of accepting the transition into cold weather and I typed the words: “That does not make Claudia a happy camper.” The word ‘camper’ jumped out at me from my computer screen and I suddenly found myself writing about being a camp counselor oh-so-many years ago and the friendships that came out of that experience, which morphed into the similarities between that experience and the experience of being in a play. Which morphed into the realization that the plays I recently coached are closing this weekend and the actors are having to deal with goodbyes after making new friends during the course of their experience.

Sometimes I take some pictures that I know will be the theme for the next day’s post and the writing springs from the photos. That happened earlier in the week when Don and I took a late afternoon walk on a beautiful Sunday.

Then there are those posts I know I have to write. I knew I had to write about decorating and the competitive aspect of it that seems to be surfacing in this blog world of ours. I got up that morning absolutely sure I had to write that post.

Or the post I knew I had to write about our estranged sister. It was a long time coming and the process of writing it was cathartic and, ultimately, healing. It also turned out to be cathartic for all of you, as you shared your stories about lost family members. I love when that happens.

Sometimes, I write in a sort of ‘stream of consciousness’ – thoughts flowing freely with very little editing. At other times, the process can be laborious, with editing going on long after I’ve published the post.

Occasionally, I know I have a book review scheduled for that day, so the subject matter is a given. But I still have to write the review, making sure my thoughts are clear, giving enough information to my readers for them to make an informed choice, trying to be fair, yet honest. That’s a whole other challenge.

scoutina

And sometimes, I just want happy. Happy dog, happy flowers, pretty pictures, pretty things.

This blog is a journal. Simple as that. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve been successful at writing a diary. Previous attempts were futile. But somehow this combination of taking photos and writing for an audience has turned out to be the key that unlocked that door. I have to write every day. I have to pull something out of my daily jumble of thoughts that might be interesting, that might be something to focus on, but must always be written from my heart.

Today I woke up not feeling well. I still don’t feel well. And I thought, “What the heck am I going to write? How am I going to come up with something?” And this post emerged from what I was absolutely sure was a blank space that couldn’t be filled.

You never know.

Happy Sunday.

ClaudiaSignature140X93

Filed Under: blog, blogging 73 Comments

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Welcome!

Welcome!

I live in a little cottage in the country with my husband. It's a sweet place, sheltered by old trees and surrounded by gardens. The inside is full of the things we love. I love to write, I love my camera, I love creating, I love gardening. My decorating style is eclectic; full of vintage and a bit of whimsy.

I've worked in the theater for more years than I can count. I'm currently a voice, speech, dialect and text coach freelancing on Broadway, off Broadway, and in regional theater.

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