The Secret Garden, which is very soggy this morning as we had rain all night long. It’s stopped now, but it’s gloomy outside, save for a brief glimpse of sun earlier this morning. And it’s cold. Once we get through the next 3 or 4 days, I think the temperatures should be back to normal.
I’m currently soaking my morning glory and moonflower seeds before I sow them tomorrow or the next day. I’m late this year. It’s either been too cold or too rainy. Or I forget to soak them, even though I wrote it down in my planner for three days in a row.
Some thoughts on being an introvert:
I don’t know why it took me so long to get there, but it’s really only relatively recently that I have accepted that I am an introvert. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I need a lot of alone time.” Or, “I’m a bit of a loner.” Or what’s on the sidebar of this blog, “I am a solitary person who is chatty.” All true. But, perhaps because I work in a very social atmosphere when I’m coaching, and I’m perfectly capable of dealing with a lot of people, either in the classroom or in a rehearsal room – even at a party – I never quite realized that I’m a true introvert. All those things: teaching, coaching, doing the rounds at a party, leave me feeling exhausted. I cannot wait to get back to my cottage, or my hotel room, or my temporary apartment. Quiet. Peace.
I think I’ve become even more of an introvert in recent years. Don and I have had countless conversations about lockdown and the lessons we’ve learned and what we want to keep in our daily lives going forward. Now, Don is more of an extrovert, but even he wants more quiet, more peace, less ‘people.’ I certainly do. What’s that saying? The best word is ‘cancelled.’ That means I don’t have to go out, don’t have to use my energy to be charming, don’t have to talk, talk, talk. It’s a strange thing. I can do it, and it can be extremely satisfying, and I love my friends and colleagues and students. Nevertheless, it is often exhausting. I suspect – in fact, I know – there are many introverts in the theater. Many actors are introverts at heart.
So we are faced with the world beginning to open up again. How do I navigate it? One thing that growing older has brought – at least for me – is an acceptance of who I am. Not only an acceptance, but a refusal to feel guilty about being an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with it. Friends who are very social have made me feel guilty for wanting to stay home. I’ve allowed that. I’ve always felt I had to apologize for it. And frankly, that pisses me off. Why should I be made to feel ‘less than’ because I don’t want to be out and about all the time? The short answer: I shouldn’t, and my reaction is entirely up to me. So I will move forward being kind but firm about my need for solitude, yet not being entirely unsocial, if that makes sense. No more guilt.
I’m 68 years old and I’ve finally accepted who I am.
I’m very grateful that Don has always understood that about me. He’s never pushed me. Indeed, he’s becoming a mix of extrovert/introvert, if there’s such a thing.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Introvert or extrovert?
Stay safe.
Happy Monday.
