My late brother’s eldest child, my parents’ first grandchild, turns forty today. She’s a simply wonderful person with three children of her own now. I remember the day my brother and sister-in-law told me they were expecting like it was yesterday. How can so much time have passed? I now have nieces and nephews – and I’m not talking great-nieces or great-nephews, that’s a whole other story – ranging in age from 40 to 3. Little Z, the boy my sister and brother-in-law adopted this year, is the 3 year old.
Of course, I have to acknowledge that there are five of them that I have no contact with, courtesy of my estranged and very troubled sister. That’s a loss that both Meredith and I mourn every day.
It’s a strange feeling. I grew up with an older brother and two younger sisters. My brother passed away much too young in 1991. My sister pulled away from most of the family, except for phone calls to my parents, at least ten years ago, maybe eleven. I’ve lost two siblings, even though one of them is very much alive.
Thank heaven for my beloved sister, Meredith, who is simply the best sister ever. I don’t know what I would do without her. We’ve helped each other get through the loss of our sister, through the stages of grief and anger and resentment and pain. I’ll be honest with you. I still feel a lot of anger about the situation. And if I ever have to confront her, and I hope I don’t, I’m afraid it will erupt. It won’t be pretty.
Ah well.
So far, so good with overwintering the impatiens. I must admit, I like the dash of sweetness and color they add to the cottage. I have them everywhere; in the kitchen, in the living room, in the den, in my studio and in the bedroom.
Impatiens sometimes get a bad rap from garden designers. I beg to differ. I find them enchanting. There’s a gentleness, for lack of a better word, about them that I love.
No Christmas decorating yet here at the cottage. My rule holds fast: the second week of December. Not before. We’ll get our tree next week. We keep it up through New Year’s Day, so I don’t want it drying out too quickly. I find I’m using far less of my Christmas decorations than I used to. There’s already quite a bit of visual stimulation here in the cottage so I’ve learned to use less.
Are you watching Peter Pan tonight? I’m so excited about it. We watched a special on the rehearsal process that aired last week and were suitably impressed by all the work that has to be done to go live with a production like this one. I remember watching the Mary Martin Peter Pan when I was little girl. It’s still very, very vivid in my memory. I can remember sitting on the bed in my parents’ bedroom after it aired, crying inconsolably because Wendy wouldn’t go back with Peter. It broke my little heart. Still does.
Linda, here’s a photo of your eggcup tray in the dollhouse kitchen:
Of course, I’m sure I’ll move it to another position at some point. That’s the fun of having a dollhouse!
Happy Thursday.
Claudia, the little tray looks so cute in the kitchen. I know I move things around all the time in my home so of course you do in the dollhouse also!! I’m feeling a bit sad today. Just lots going on here and this time of year makes one think of family and friends that you’ve lost. Some to death others to well just because. I know the loss of your sister is a hard one, but at least you have Meredith and she is a jewel! After putting out my usual Christmas decor I think it’s too much. I am pretty sure next year I will simplify more. I’m tired of some of it and keep thinking do I do it for me or blogland? I say if it’s not giving me joy then away it goes. I’m on a mission to only keep what I love! You’ve helped me see that so much. Enough of my babbling!
hugs,
Linda
I think we all have fallen prey to the “Do it for Blogland” urge. I certainly did in the early years of the blog. But, in the end, we have to do what is right for us, not for a photo op. I love your mission, Linda, and we should all be doing that!
Claudia, I don’t have a sister, but I do have a brother. He tried to pull away from all of the family. I refused to allow him to do that to me. I nagged him, and stalked him on Facebook until he decided it was easier to give in and talk with me. It took a few years, but we are very close now. I realize your situation is vastly different, but I am so glad to have my brother.
I am not decorating this year at all for Christmas and it makes me a bit sad. I won’t be home for a few days before and after Christmas. My husband could care less about decorations. I will be with my aunt who is 91,and my cousin the doll house builder. I used to decorate the entire inside of the house. Every room had a tree of some kind. Lights, color! I have pared back a lot. I miss all of it, but it seems to get harder every year to put it all up and worse to take it down. I am feeling a bit melancholy about Christmas this year. Too many things going on in my head I guess.
Sorry this is your blog and I didn’t really mean to dump on you. It just came pouring out.
Well, of course, we tried everything. Never one response. Not one.
This Christmas, the first without my mother, will be a bittersweet one. I understand, my friend.
I’m so sorry to hear about your estranged sister…but so happy you have Meredith. I’m an only child, so I’ve adopted I think your impatients are lovely…and add that special je ne sais quoi. I’ve put out a few Christmas items…but I find myself putting half of them back in the boxes…guess I’m really going for a simplified look this year. I think I’m going to be taking quite a few boxes to the thrift store! The tree will come next week….I think. All my boys will be home for Christmas this year…and I’m really excited! Lots to do! ;)
I’ve adopted my cousins as siblings. (I pressed print before I was done with my thought..hehe!)
So glad your boys will be home this year, Donnamae!
I love your sweet Impatiens! About a month ago, I put some potted geraniums, snapdragons & pansies in my unheated garage before a snowstorm thinking I would empty the pots a few days later. I never got to it and was surprised last week to find everything in full bloom in my dark, cold garage!
Resilient, aren’t they? The joys of gardening!
I have only one sister and we don’t talk or have contact. I do keep in contact with 3 of her 7 children. It is sad. And this time of the year is so very hard. My Dad passed away on Christmas Day 15 years ago. I believe there are many more of us who struggle with this season than view it as a Norman Rockwell painting.
The Impatiens look wonderful. They are definitely a “cottage-style” home flower. They belong there waiting out the winter with you, Don and Scout.
We, too, are eager to see Peter Pan. Hubs has his 2nd and 3rd graders watching, too, so they can discuss in class tomorrow. Fun!
I’m sure that will be a lively discussion, Chris!
My mind is very much on family today as my daughter continues to battle a serious illness. My brother has chosen not to have a lot of contact with us, but when I move to Atlanta next year, where he also lives, I hope to see him more. It is so sad when a sibling pulls away. I am not decorating for Christmas this year. Too much going on and I will be spending Christmas with my family in Atlanta so I just don’t see the point. I will be watching Peter Pan too, tonight. I am so excited. I can remember watching it when I was a little girl, too. We played Peter Pan and Wendy for weeks afterwards. I think I will avoid trying to fly this time around :)
xo
Laura
You and your daughter are in my thoughts, Laura. I’m saying prayers for her full recovery.
I only have one sister and neither of us have children so it really is “just us”..We’ve had some tough times and are very different,,I think both of us are making an effort these days…She and her husband moved in down the street. There have been a few times (early on) that I wondered if it was a good idea..I think it will turn out to be a good thing..Love your Impatiens..Mr Max (cat) wouldn’t allow them in my house..Have a great day..
I’m glad you and your sister have found a way to work things out, Missy!
Poor Claudia. This time of year certainly does remind us of days past and people lost, doesn’t it? All families have their issues of course – there will never be perfect families until there are perfect people – but none of that is much comfort when it’s your own family that’s in pain. But things are always changing, and where there is Life, there is always hope. People do grow and change, even troubled people. As heartwrenching as it must be to reach out and be ignored again and again, I hope your side will not stop trying. I know you can’t be feeling hopeful, but just maybe, one of those times could be the moment when your sister could be ready to make an effort herself. You never know what she’s experiencing on her end. Keeping you all in my prayers….
I have my doubts about any changes in the situation. And quite frankly, I’m not at all interested in extending my hand again. I just wish we hadn’t lost the kids, as well.
Thanks for your kind thoughts, Janet.
I remember watching the first live telecast of Peter Pan in 1955 (in black and white) and I’m excited to watch tonight. Such a great story that has stood the test of time.
I know how hard all the “firsts” are after the death of a loved one, Claudia. I’m glad you have such a supportive husband to lean on.
I am grateful for my husband every day, Sandra. He continues to be there for me.
Ugh.. Claudia.. with your warm personality I can’t imagine a sibling not wanting to be a part of that relationship with her sisters. We truly can’t know fully the cross another bears and we can’t fix what another has broken if they aren’t willing or able for whatever their reason. I have only one sister and I am grateful that we have always remained friends as well as sisters. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your brother, far too young. I hope your estranged sister one day reconciles with whatever keeps her away so that you can mend that fence. Keep your heart open to the possibility, and perhaps the forgiveness that might need to accompany it.
I can’t imagine it, either, Karen. But we’ve exhausted all the possible ‘whys’ and now we’ve had to accept the situation. Perhaps we’ll never know. I do feel that she’s suffering from something – perhaps a chemical imbalance, perhaps something else. But until she decides to open communication again, we can only guess.
As someone said last week, if I didn’t know better I would think I was peeking into someone’s well appointed kitchen–not a dollhouse!!! Your attention to detail is amazing. I wish I could invite you over to consult on my latest adventure.
I apologize if my post yesterday stirred the feelings today concerning your sister. You are so blessed to have a remaining sister to turn to and have on your side to understand the bewilderment. Hopefully you have something remaining from your childhood Christmas to remind you of your mother :-) Put it out on display and focus on that, and I would just bet your mom will be watching with a smile on her face.
Entirely excited to watch Peter Pan tonight with a very imaginative 7 year old!!!! She will undoubtedly want to recreate every scene and song routine at least 3 times before bedtime :-)
Oh, don’t apologize. I stirred it up by thinking of those books she has that were my mother’s. She’s entitled to them, of course, and I don’t begrudge them. But she broke my mother’s heart over all of this. And that, I do resent.
I am so sorry too that your sister treats her family that way. You and Meredith seem like such warm, caring and fun people! I would be proud to call you sister. I am ridiculously excited about watching Peter Pan! I admire all the actors, directors, etc. for putting themselves out there in a live broadcast. I’m hoping my 4 year old grandson will watch at least some of it with me. I sing him songs all the time from this and many other Broadway shows!
Me too! I was brought up on musical theater and that’s what gave me my start as an actress. Love those songs!
Claudia, This post spoke to my heart. I lost my brother back in Feb. he was only 39. I’m younger then him. I want to so much see his son but I can’t due to his crazy mom and other grandparents who want to pretend his father never existed now that he has passed. I pray for him and I’ll pray for you.
Hugs from Oklahoma,
Valerie
And I’ll pray for you, Valerie.
I’m doing with less decorations this year too. I love how a decorated house looks, but I just am too old to take it all down again. Takes me ages.
I can imagine all the pain you feel about your sister. Families sometimes are difficult and it is so hard when the relationships are lost. I will think good thoughts for you.
Thank you, Tana. I wrote a long post about this once and I was stunned by how this sort of estrangement hits so many families. Heartbreaking.
Ah yes..the complication of difficult sisters..I know much about this subject..You are so lucky to have Meredith..The impatiens are looking very pretty..The dollhouse kitchen is looking quite realistic..That tiny birdhouse figure is adorable..I’m sure Caroline loves the egg cup tray..I know I do..
I’m very lucky to have Meredith!
You have a living grief over your sister which can’t mute over time because it’s alive; she exists. I’m so sorry. I have this with in-laws and it puts a taint on lots of things and is so unnecessary. Usually, I will often wrongly point at myself first but, even in this case, my husband says it started with them and I never did anything to warrant their behavior. Sigh…alienation or whatever (many) names we call it, can also happen with friends, co-workers, neighbors. I have a cousin who disowned me over a small inheritance I received from a mutual relative. My cousin has never been able to look at herself and understand that she essentially had ignored this elderly aunt for umpteen years, so why would the dear lady be under any obligation to ‘remember’ my selfish cousin in her will? Money…rearing its ugly head. If anything I’ve learned over many years is that pretty much any family is flawed in some way…it’s a human thing; we err.
I think it happens in a lot of families. Heartbreaking, nonetheless…
The holidays are such a time of contrasts for so many of us. We are decorating this year in a simplified manner, even compared to my simplified Christmas last year. Since we live in a smaller space, now it doesn’t take much to liven the place up and bring a spot of Christmas cheer to our home. I have decided I will never have a large tree again, as I am not wanting to spend the time and energy on that. My kids are carrying on the torch of the large tree and many decorations in their home, so I love that I get to enjoy their festive home.
My mom passed away this year as well, and I still find times when I start to email her – or call her, then reality strikes. I’ve had estrangements in my family that I never really understood and I will always regret that. It is too late for those people to reconnect, but I wonder how it all really happened. I review it in my mind, then I have to let it go because the one they were estranged from has passed on. Sometimes I wish I could just ask why. But I don’t anymore.
I really enjoy reading your blog and wish you the very best Christmas season. I am glad to hear that you and your sister are so close and you get that loving experience to share with her. It’s good that she can understand how you feel – since you both are in the same situation.
Thank you so much, Annie. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season. I know it will be poignant without your mother. I understand.
Thank you for your kind words my wonderful sister. I can’t believe our gorgeous Elizabeth is 40!!!!!! I sent her 6 cards, and a text. I called her today but left a message.
I remember when we heard that Dave and Margie were expecting, I was so excited to be an Aunt and I still am.
Love you,
Mere