Day Thirty-Four. Governor Cuomo has extended stay-in-place, lockdown, self-isolating – whatever you want to call it – until May 15. At least another month. This isn’t a surprise, of course. But it does overwhelm.

I’m not in a very good mood today and it is what it is. I’ve been feeling under the weather for a few weeks and though I’m much better now, it was a pain in the tush. The weather has turned cold. Tonight, we might get 2 – 3 inches of wet snow. That little bit of news sort of set me off this morning. I started to worry about my plants that have buds and flowers, I felt resentful (how dare Mother Nature?!!) and the ‘Overwhelm,’ which is the best thing I can call it, took over.  The temperatures around here are 20 degrees less than normal for this time of the year. This is the time of year I love to be outside working and the combination of the cold weather and not feeling well has kept me from doing that. And then, of course, there’s the self-isolating.

Anyway, I’ll pull myself out of it. I’m a strong believer in letting myself feel whatever mood I’m in, not apologizing for it, and then moving forward. I’m betting we’re all battling this kind of thing, especially during this pandemic.

Life seems to be reading, eating, doing dishes, doing the laundry, trying to grab a slot for grocery delivery, watching old reruns – on repeat. I know I’ll feel better when I can get outside and accomplish something. Don mowed the front lawn for the first time on Sunday, which is something I always look forward to doing.

Okay. No more feeling sorry for myself. It’s very cold out there but it’s sunny. I can hear bird song. I have to clean the bathroom. We ordered a few more groceries – we start a new list as soon as we’ve had a delivery – and couldn’t get a delivery date, but to my surprise we did snag a pick-up opening, so we’ll drive to the store tomorrow with masks and gloves on and pick up our groceries. And then maybe we can take a break from it for a while.

By the way, I called the main number for this grocery chain to ask a question about our bill and in the course of the conversation was told quite firmly that drivers are not allowed to take tips. Hmmm. I suggested that, given the circumstances, it would be nice if, during checkout, we had the option to add a tip, as we all know we are not dealing with “business as usual.” He said he would pass on that suggestion.

Then I called our local nursery to see if some sort of protocol was in place for plant shopping. The nursery is connected to the farm stand I mentioned earlier. There is a protocol in place for the farm stand, which is indoors, but not for the nursery, which is primarily outdoors but is also in three different greenhouses. So far, plant buying traffic has been quite low, given our crazy weather, but in a couple of weeks it will increase. Since I don’t plan on buying anything for at least another week, she suggested I call back as they will probably have to come up with a plan by then.

Obviously I’d go there in a mask and gloves, with hand sanitizer. (Governor Cuomo has an Executive Order requiring anyone who is out in public to wear a mask.) I’d be armed with a list and would only get those items on my list, with no wandering around looking at things. That makes me sad, as it’s one of my favorite things to do. But efficiency is a must. Both Don and I would take our cars, so we could load everything at once. I’m very clear on what I need, having done pretty much the same thing for years – plants for pots on the porch, the funky patio, and in the secret garden. Two big bags of potting soil. Three hanging plants.

If I can make my porch the haven it usually is for us, I’ll feel much better about things. I’ll feel a bit more free and certainly more at peace.

Thanks for being patient with my clearly meandering thoughts today. Stay safe.

Happy Friday.