We both woke up at an impossibly early hour this morning. Neither of us knows why. Consequently, we had our second cup of coffee a bit earlier than usual. I managed to catch a glimpse of the groundhog, who had heard our voices and was moving away from the area right by the front porch. Hmmm…. A bit too close, my friend. He doesn’t have the gray around his muzzle that Henry had, so I think we officially know that Henry is gone.
I told the groundhog that if he is going to move into Henry’s home, he had better be a gentleman like Henry was. No ifs, ands, or buts. Henry was the most gentlemanly of groundhogs.
Because of our early wakeup, I got outside to take some photos.
In the Secret Garden.
More later this week.
We’re laying low today. We were going to do that yesterday, but we got word Don’s car was ready – to the tune of $600 – and I drove him into the neighboring town to get it. A word about that. We had a message over the weekend it was ready. So Don called the guy (who he really likes) yesterday and his jaw dropped open when he heard the price. This followed a long explanation of what the guy had done to find the source of the problem, which had been a mystery, and they had the car for several days while they tried to solve it. Understood.
My beef was that he had never given us an estimate. This car is 20 years old, and while we’re not ready to give it up, money is tight. Don spoke to him at length and then I got on the phone with him and was very firm about the lack of an estimate. He was defensive. (He’s a good guy and he has saved this car more than once and I am aware of that.) I didn’t yell or anything, I just said – after another longwinded explanation of what he had done – that in the future we require an estimate. Interestingly, the night before Don said that he was sure it must be a modest bill or R. would have called us to get our okay on the price.
Here’s my question: I have this tendency to review what I said afterward and feel guilty. Why is that? I was polite, I was firm, but I made my point clear. I didn’t say anything wrong. The car is in my name and I have a right to question the lack of an estimate. Nevertheless, I worried that it might have an effect on Don’s client relationship with the guy who I’ll call R. Both Don and I have a history of being people pleasers and it’s only in the last 15 years or so that we have learned to be firm about certain things. We both have issues with feeling guilt afterwards. I certainly did yesterday. We don’t like to make a fuss, we’re uncomfortable with conflict. Asserting myself when necessary is something I’ve had to learn to do over time, especially in my career.
Some of this need to avoid conflict is part of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. I recognize that. Anyway. R. ended up admitting he should have given us an estimate. I’m fine now, but I’d really like to get over this guilt I feel when I rightfully assert myself. Is this part of being a female raised in the fifties and sixties? Is this because I hate conflict? Is this because I don’t like people being upset with me? All of the above? I think it’s all of the above.
Stay safe.
Happy Tuesday.
