A very foggy morning.
More strange weather ahead: tomorrow the high is going to be 94° with a heat index of 97°. On Sunday, the high will be 92°. What the ?????? Then, after the storms that will come through because of this crazy weather, the temps will drop back down to the seventies next week.
As you can imagine, we are installing the kitchen a/c unit this morning. Yikes. I’m going to do some work outside today, because I sure won’t be doing any of that over the weekend!
Another day yesterday of taking it easy, mostly because it rained. I finished the Elizabeth George right before dinner – two minutes to spare! Excellent. I have already grabbed A Banquet of Consequences from my TBR pile and I’ll start that today. I’m obviously in an Elizabeth George mood.
I’ve been thinking about being an introvert, which I’ve written about once before on this blog. I’ve been trying to describe just what that is to a friend, so it’s obviously been on my mind. For much of my younger life, in a house full of four kids, one bathroom, and very little personal space, reading was my way to grab some alone time, even if I wasn’t literally alone. I was immersed in the words on the page, and my imagination transported me to another world. Because I was in school and performing in plays and musicals, I had the trappings of a very social life. As I got older, I craved alone time more and more. Especially when I entered my thirties and moved to Philadelphia to go to grad school. For many years, I categorized that need as ‘I need time to myself’ or even ‘I’m a bit of a loner.’ It wasn’t until relatively recently that I realized I was an introvert.
I often felt like I had to apologize for being ‘antisocial.’ I really wasn’t antisocial – I worked in the theater, after all! – but on a personal level, some friends who were highly social just didn’t understand me. They took it personally. And so I felt guilty, like I’d done something wrong.
If I had a nickel for every time I felt that guilt, I’d be a rich woman.
As I’ve grown older, after a lifetime of working in the theater and teaching where I had to be around lots of people all of the time, my need to retreat has grown. And you know, I love my work. I love that opportunities I’ve had to get to know so many people over the years, whether in a theater or in a classroom or as a camp counselor. It’s not that introverts don’t like people. They just need time to ‘restore’ their energies. To go to the well.
Don, who is more of an extrovert, also feels that need lately.
I’ve always avoided entertaining people in my home. It takes every bit of joy out of me. I feel enormous pressure and I am simply exhausted when it’s over. I so admire those who can pull that off with great aplomb. I admire those who can maintain a highly social existence.
However, I cannot, and owning that truth about myself has been life-changing. I’ve talked a lot about it with Don. Thankfully, he has always understood me, even when I wasn’t yet using the word introvert.
I must admit that I still feel guilty at times. I guess that a lifetime of feeling you have to apologize for who you are can still push those buttons. Like many of you, lockdown wasn’t at all hard for me. In fact, it gave me permission to be myself.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this yesterday. Both Don and I are creative artists who spend a lot of time in our heads. It is very easy for us to disappear into our work or our books. In fact, that’s what a typical day here is like. Don doing his thing, me doing mine.
We had a conversation the other night about why we would rather stay home in the evenings than go out. We love our evening routine, coming together in the quiet of our den to watch a movie or a series. The reality is that both of us have spent the bulk of our lives working in the evenings. I was routinely out at least 6 days a week acting in plays or attending rehearsals or taking notes on performances. Don, a professional actor since he was 18, was hardly ever home at night. So now that we have the opportunity to stay home, we stay home!
We like being home. We like the quiet.
I’m sort of rambling now, so I’ll stop.
I’m thinking of ordering Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking. Someone mentioned it to me a while back. Has anyone here read it?
Stay safe.
Happy Friday.
