Mockingbird Hill Cottage — Page 1054 — Mockingbird Hill Cottage

Flowers

February 15, 2016 at 8:14 am by Claudia

Both of these photos were in Instagram yesterday, but since I shouldn’t assume that you saw them, I’ll share them with you.

I ended up taking the day off yesterday, since the actors are doing well and I felt I could give them a day off from my note taking. My stomach was acting up, a reaction not unexpected after the stress of losing Scout. I was tired and worn out and I just needed a quiet day. Knowing that I have to teach a Master Class this morning had something to do with it as well. I needed to rest so that I would be able to function at my best today.

When I shared that decision with Don, he sort of hesitated and when I asked why, it turned out he had sent me flowers which would be waiting for me at the theater box office. So I bundled up and ran over there to pick them up.

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They’re beautiful. He asked the florist to include one white rose (which you can’t see in this photo.) We exchanged a single white rose on our wedding day.

The afternoon light prompted me to take this photo:

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“Still Life with Roseville.”

I like the way the texture of the green leaves is echoed in the background texture on the Roseville vase. I didn’t plan it that way, it just is.

I’m off to get ready for my class.

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Six Days

February 13, 2016 at 9:53 am by Claudia

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Writing any sort of post is almost impossible for me now. I know you understand.

All my energy is focused on getting through the day and doing my work. Throughout the day, images and memories of my little girl are constantly in my head. I often find myself aimlessly walking around the apartment.

A couple of mornings ago, I sobbed all morning long. First, by myself, sitting on the sofa. Then, in a conversation with my sister. Then on the phone with Don. And much the same thing happens every day. Yesterday, it was Don’s turn.

There really isn’t any way to explain the profound, powerful, and magical presence that Scout was in our lives. She had more than a touch of the divine. She was an old soul. She taught us more than I can say. We mourn her. We are simply devastated.

Some people – not, I believe, any of you – will grow impatient with our grief. They won’t understand. If anyone says ‘But she lived a long life,’ or worse, ‘It’s just a dog’ I will deck them.

Truly.

Just as the fact that my parents lived long lives has absolutely nothing to do with the depth of my grief or how quickly I should ‘get over it’, neither does the length of Scout’s life.

I won’t even address the ‘just a dog’ way of thinking.

I’ll get to the point. I lost my mother less than 2 years ago. I lost my father 3 months ago. And now, I’ve lost my daughter. I’ve hit a wall of grief that has been steadily building since April 24, 2014 – the day my mother died.

And now it has exploded.

That’s where I am.

Romeo and Juliet is going very well; it’s a beautiful production and the audiences are really loving it. Beautiful performances. Beautiful direction by Darko. I’m honored to be a part of it.

I am preparing for a Master Class on Shakespeare that I’m teaching on Monday. I’m teaching it to the the seniors from the BFA Acting program at the Hartt School (University of Hartford). We’ll work through their Shakespeare monologues. This requires a fair amount of prep on my part. It’s keeping me occupied.

I’m trying to keep up with my blog reading, but frankly, I have no patience with endless decorating posts or Valentine’s Day posts or any of that sort of thing. It all seems so trivial. It isn’t, of course, and I mean no disrespect, it’s just where I am at the moment.

Thank you again and again for your kind words, for your compassion, for your love for our girl. I know you understand and that has given me enormous comfort these last six days. To say I treasure each and every one of you is an understatement.

Posting daily? Not sure when that will resume, but not for a bit.

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